I’ve never lived alone. Yes a had a few beautiful weeks at university when my housemates were all at home, and I had the run of the place. But that is the closest I have ever got to. Here are the steps I’ve taken to become happy living alone over the past few months.
Pack up his things
Get rid of it. Why do you need reminders of his negativity in your new life?! You don’t.
I packed up my husband’s belongings; but put wedding photos, my dress, camping equipment from our honeymoon etc in his side of the wardrobe.
Our marriage and relationship will always be a huge part of my life, I’m not ready to get rid of these moments. I may never be. But at least I will not be reminded of our failed marriage everyday by something such a picture frame.
His belongings, furniture etc are gone. It’s just you, alone. Redecorate! Use your savings, replace things he had that you liked (don’t get identical, get better). The first things I replaced were the washing machine and television. I bought ones which I liked, which fit my needs.
You don’t have to do this all at once. It probably took me 2/3 months to fully redecorate. I live in a rented property, so I can’t paint the walls, change carpets etc; but I can change small things like curtains, rugs, lamps. Trust me, you can transform the whole look and feel of your home without spending much at all!
Make your home an extension of yourself. A reflection of your personality, no one else’s. Get your friends to help, they’ll love it!
See your friends
Go out for dinner, the theatre, check out the new bar that’s opening, go to the cinema, anything. The point I’m making, you’ve made your home your own. It’s now your sanctuary, not a cage! It’s a place you come to for alone time, a bit of tlc.
Don’t spend all your free time alone. Go out and do something with your friends. Reconnect with the ones you lost.
Set your own routines
Hey, guess what?! His alarm going off at 4am doesn’t happen anymore! You can do anything whenever you want. We’re all creatures of habit, get your routines set up how you want them.
My favourite: after work, get home and shower (wash away that day) – why not have a pot of coffee brewing at the same time, get into comfy clothes and drink that coffee – have 30 minutes of me time. You’re not having to fit around anyone else’s routine anymore! Yes! Freedom!
I hate cleaning, but I love a clean home! Whilst you’re packing his things or redecorating, give your home a real deep clean.
I’m talking about the inside of your kitchen cabinets, the grout in your bathroom, literally everything.
You’ll feel like you’ve cleansed the negativity from your home!
Get a new hobby
Just before we started our trial separation, I started candle making. It is so calming, a bit like baking, plus you can then give the candles away as gifts.
Have a party
You’ve done it. He’s gone, yeah you still have things that remind you of him, but it’s not being pushed in your face every few seconds.
Celebrate! You’ve redecorated, made your home your own and you’re in the path of moving on. Invite some friends over as a house warming, welcome them to your own home. Your way of doing things.
It will help to cement the feeling in your mind that this is now you. You don’t need him for a good time, you never did. Time to prove it to yourself.