If you asked me to summarise how I am feeling at this moment, it would be a mixture of emotions. Happy that this marks the start of my new life, sad that this marks the end of my old life.
I discovered that my husband was a liar and emotional abuser. I am so angry and disappointed with him for this. But I am also in a period of grief. Before I discovered the truth, I lived in a beautiful world full of love and joy (that’s what it felt at the time). I was happy and in love, we had plans for our future.
Those promises we made in front of our friends, family and God are being pushed aside. I’ve discovered the man I loved never existed. The life we had planned will never happen. Everything I thought and believed in has been torn from me.
Yet, despite these feelings, I know that I am doing the right thing. I may love him, but he does not love me. If he loved me, none of this would’ve happened. This blog would’ve never happened.
So when my parents asked how I feel about starting the divorce process. I just responded with ‘I have to stay positive because he doesn’t deserve the satisfaction from me being upset’. This is much more complicated than it seems. I have to stay strong in a time when all I want to do is break down and cry. I’m 26, and I’m filing for divorce!
It shouldn’t be happening this soon…who gets divorced before the age of 30?! What are people going to think when they find out?
These thoughts and more run through my head on a daily basis. But I have to be strong. It doesn’t matter that I’m 26. What matters is that I am no longer in a one sided marriage with someone that doesn’t care about me. I deserve to be with someone that is willing to put the effort into a partnership and care. Everyone deserves this.
So I’m glad I have a lawyer, as you’ve read, I’m going through a range of emotions at the moment. It’s exhausting. With my lawyer’s clear head, it will help to bring some calm to my life so that I can begin to build my future, without my husband. This is the right thing to do, no matter how hard.