You don’t understand

Dear loved one,

I know you care about me. I know that you want me to be happy. I am. I’m so much happier than I was.

But I’ve been through abuse. Not once but for years. So it will naturally take me a while to recover and be fully happy. This isn’t your fault and it isn’t my fault.

I’ve seen you. When I first started to share my concerns with you, you thought I was exaggerating. You didn’t believe me. You won’t admit this, but it’s true. You don’t want to be one of the factors that kept me in the abuse for so long. You’re right, your reaction made me believe I was wrong and it was okay to be treated by my husband in this way. A way that is now illegal in the UK.

Have I ever said this to you? No. Why? Because you didn’t understand. You didn’t know. It’s not your fault.

But I beg you now. As I am recovering from this trauma. That you support me. I am putting myself first. I know what is best for me. I knew what was best for me in my marriage, but listening to others stopped me listening to myself.

Please understand, I can never allow that to happen again.

You don’t need to understand what’s happened in my life. Nor do you need to understand my current mental state. So please stop saying you do. You don’t.

You have never been in this situation. I’m glad you haven’t. I’m happy you will never understand what I am going through.

But I have. I was the one to break free from this abuse. I was the one to say enough is enough. No one else. It was me. So trust me.


A domestic abuse survivor

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