What do you do when you’re unintentionally made to feel like you’ve brought shame to your family?
They don’t mean it, but every time a comment is made, it fills me with the feeling I have disappointed everyone in my family. Here are some examples:
“You brought him into our family”
“I can’t bare to look at the family photo, he’s tainted it. Why did you let him pose in it if things were bad?”
“Don’t show me the professional family photo we took at your post-grad graduation ceremony, I don’t want to look at it”
“Do you know how hard it’s been for me to tell everyone about you?”
“Don’t you dare. You of all people have no right to comment or worry about anyone’s relationships. Stop. You of all people…”
“Because of you, this will be the last party we’ll be invited to now”
“We paid for your wedding, you owe us. What a waste”
Now it’s worth pointing out that these examples have all been said on very separate occasions. They have also been said over the course of the 6 months after I told my parents I am getting divorced.
They’ve tried supporting me. Talking to me about everything. Offering to pay for my therapy sessions. Planning and paying for a family holiday to give me a chance to get away.
Yet comments like these pop up every now and then. They hurt. So much. If I express my hurt I am viewed as being dramatic and too sensitive. “Making a drama out of nothing”.
Since I discovered my family find me to be “dramatic”, I no longer feel comfortable talking to them about what is going on.
Have you been in a similar situation with your divorce? Your family want to help you, but no matter how hard you try to explain. They don’t understand how to support you, thus hurting you.
I am trying not to take this to heart, as I know there is no malicious intent behind these words.
It doesn’t stop the pain.